life
FEELING GREAT
`Looking for an
upside doesn’t
mean you should
just accept your
negative traits
to feel bad—but that’s not the place to
stop,” says psychiatrist Louis Tartaglia,
M.D., author of the self-help book
Flawless! Instead of getting stuck in
frustration, see your uncomfortable
feelings as a catalyst for change.
“The happiest people seize the
opportunity to examine their faults,”
says Hicks. “And then they keep the
positive aspects of them while working
to improve the aspects that hold them
back. When you do that you feel in
greater control of your life.”
Of course, self-improvement is easier
said than done. “There’s a neurological
basis for personality,” says psychologist
Travis Bradberry, Ph.D., coauthor of
Emotional Intelligence 2.0. “If you have
a particular personality trait, you’re kind
of stuck with it.” What you can change
is how you deal with that trait and how
you relate to others.
But start with self-awareness. Dr.
Bradberry recommends that you take
a standardized personality test. Once
you’re aware of your challenges you
need to actively work on your emotional intelligence by paying close
attention to how your flaws affect
others—that is, when they’re useful as
opposed to when they’re destructive.
For example, do you tend to be a
total perfectionist? Having an eye for
what’s wrong can be positive if you’re
an artist or an accountant, Dr. Felder
says, but it can be a relationship killer.
The solution? Pick when to be vigilant
and make a conscious effort not to be
vigilant in other areas of your life.
Even pessimism can potentially be a
plus. Express your negative outlook
every day and you’re a Debbie Downer,
he concedes, but if you’re surrounded
by relentless optimists, voicing a more
skeptical take once or twice a month
may just be a good reality check.
ÄCHANGE WHAT
NEEDS CHANGING
Looking for the upside of your weak-nesses doesn’t mean that you should
simply accept your negative traits or
behaviors. “If your flaw has caused
harm to you or someone else, it’s okay
Ä USE IT FOR GOOD,
NOT BAD
Once you’ve identified your flaw’s
upside, put those qualities to good use
at the appropriate time. And consider
an activity or career that takes positive
advantage of your potentially negative
trait. If you think you’re too passionate
in relationships, volunteer for a cause
LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL
JULY 09
